Friday, August 30, 2019

🃏Foolish Wisdom👵🏻

You can't really tell from the above photo, but I am dancing at the edge of a steep cliff next to The Land’s End Labyrinth.

Literally and metaphorically, I am at the edge of the solid land, walking reverently in mystery as well as dancing and taking wild leaps in precarious circumstances.

I share this information, not to alarm those friends and family who read my blog (please don't worry, I trust that one way or another, all will workout as it always has!), but because I know there are many of you who are at similar metaphorical edges.  I share what is happening in my life in the hopes that my experience will benefit you.

My current edge is finances, exacerbated by my inner anxieties (with their own set of side effects that impact my life) which come to the surface when I don't feel secure.

For you it might be your health or a relationship issue or any of a wide variety of challenges. And even if by some miracle you are currently sailing smoothly through your personal life, all of us are a part of the aggregate uncertainty (a dark gift) at this time on the planet.

Being on the edge may not feel comfortable, but it is a place where magic can happen.

I have discovered that there is rich potential for transformational evolutionary leaps if I am willing to be open to the mystical possibilities that are more available here, than in the midst of "safety" and comfort. AND it is also, of course, vital to PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION to every step and take practical measures*.

The heightened awareness of Life and it's infinite possibilities (including both the potential for miracles and danger) is one of those invaluable gifts in disguise that I am (mostly!) embracing right now.
Photo taken from inside the outer edge of the labyrinth.
As I was walking the labyrinth which is right up against the edge the cliff with a sharp drop off down to the sea, I suddenly thought of the lovely Alison Krauss song with the line “Whatever the answer, it's yes that's the question-- I am the fool dancing over the edge.”

Yes, I may be a fool to be living so close to the edge. I suppose there are more sensible choices I could make, but none that feel right in my heart. And even when fear pushes me to consider backing away, there are really no viable, sustainable options available to me at this point.

And so, I will continue doing my piecemeal jobs (searching for more now*) while continuing to create Sparks & Leaps and living in my precious little sanctuary here in ridiculously pricey Marin County. The joy of this home here in this sweet community of Fairfax, where I have put down deep roots, made dear friends and have found more joy then any place I have ever been in my life is where I want to stay.

In order to do this, I am reaching out to any and all allies. I would love it if you would hold strong thoughts for me as I navigate this perilous territory (I believe in the power of Love and shared intention) and perhaps help with useful connections—see below*,

In addition to the peril and need for support, I see this as an opportunity to walk (dance and leap) my brave talk about cultivating curiosity and exploring the paradoxes that present themselves in times like these. Game on!

As I am playing my own game of Sparks & Leaps, I am practicing leaning into discomfort, building a team of allies, (including befriending the troubled inner aspect of myself), embracing adverse circumstances, looking for the buried treasure of the gifts in disguise and cultivating gratitude for every blessing.

I am not saying I am sailing through my challenges with total equanimity, (and I have my little escape indulgences)  but this strategy of saying YES with playful curiosity to adventure and cultivating trust feels way better than the seriously flawed coping mechanisms I tried during previous difficult times many years ago--such as curling up into a ball under my blankets while whimpering with despair and ruminating on my worthlessness and hopelessness or recklessly drowning my sorrows with alcohol, cigarettes and drugs.

So far, every single major crisis in my life (I have had many, especially around the times of the beginnings of new decades, starting with my traumatic birth), has ultimately benefited me and I truly believe this one will too.

Moment to moment, and with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. He carries nothing more than his purity, innocence and trust, symbolized by the white rose in his hand. The pattern on his waistcoat contains the colors of all four elements of the tarot, indicating that he is in harmony with all that surrounds him. His intuition is functioning at its peak. At this moment the Fool has the support of the universe to make this jump into the unknown. Adventures await him in the river of life.
The card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feeling of the 'rightness' of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear 'foolish' to others, or even to yourself, if you try to analyze them with the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism 
On 8/19, just before midnight in my last moments of my 50s (in theory, I am a wise elder now😄!), I drew this single oracle card from the Osho Zen Tarot Deck in answer to my question "what's the most important next step for me at this time of transition in my life.”

While I definitely have fears about the real possibility that foolish steps will lead to a dangerous fall for me personally as well as that choices being made on larger levels could lead us collectively to disaster, I am doing my very best to trust myself and to trust how life is unfolding for all of us.

After drawing my fool/joker/wild card, and after my labyrinth walk on 8/24, I watched this short video about the Amazon rain forests that came to my email inbox on 8/27. It was (surprisingly, given the grim topic), enormously comforting and inspiring. It was also synchronistic in that it addressed issues such as taking next steps towards the destination of trust that our heart knows exists with naïve confidence, even when our logical mind does not understand or approve.

This does not mean sitting back and passively waiting for magic or luck or a diety to take care of my predicaments or the larger issues on the planet. I am taking a profusion of practical steps* to address current as well as long term survival needs. As for the larger world I believe we need to conjointly  take a great number of  “down to Earth” steps regarding our shared environment, economy, policies etc.

The tricky part for for me ( and perhaps for you too?) is to take those steps from a place of trust rather than fear of scarcity. Given that scarcity fears are a part of intense and powerfully strong survival conditioning, and that I really do need to pay rent and bills, eat and consider my future, this is a moment to moment challenge. I do better in some moments than others, but I aspire to be a fool!

*This Virgo New Moon is all about taking practical action steps. Focusing on details and creating order and clarity out of chaos. Resetting new intentions and committing to them. 

So, here is what I am up to and how you can support me if you have any inclination and/or ability to do so.

  • If you have connections in Marin and hear of any child care opportunities (I charge $25.00- $30.00 per hour depending on circumstances) for under 20 hours a week afternoons, evenings or weekends --on going or on call, please send them my way!
  • If you know anyone who would enjoy easy, customized adventures into Nature, (individuals or group I charge $50.00 per hour), please send them my way. 
  • If you would like to purchase any of my Nature photographs, for yourself or as a gift, please contact me.
  • If you (or someone you know) would be willing to help me put together an ebook, I will split the profits.  I need help with organization of concepts, clarity, and brevity.
  • If you (or someone you know) would be willing to help me with  technical skills in creating the Game of Sparks & Leaps (either on a website or app --several possibilities), I will split the profits.
  • If you (or someone you know) has connections to Jane McGonnigal or others who know how to create games and can help me create the Game of Sparks & Leaps, I will split the profits.
  • If you are not already one of my patrons on Patreon, I would be ENORMOUSLY grateful, if you would check out my page and consider supporting me. And you get cool content in exchange. 
  • If you can think of any other way you can assist me at this time with immediate survival needs or my long term dream, I am open to love💖, support 💞and miracles✨! 
  • AND If there is any way I can support YOU with my quirky skill set and/or holding you in my heart, leaving a flower or other token with your intentions/requests up to a labyrinth, etc. please let me know. Because we are all in this together. Whatever I do to serve you will benefit me, and I would love to show my gratitude for your taking the time to read my words!

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