Wednesday, June 13, 2018

πŸ’₯πŸš‚ Slo-mo Trainwreck or Miracle in Progress? πŸ’«

I like "Miracle in Progress"

Is there anything in your life that appears to be a potential train wreck? Or perhaps you are watching someone else's impending train wreck (or looking at the world at large!) peeking through your fingers...

Unlike an actual wreck, it is possible to derail a train of thought before a crash occurs and changing stories can avert disasters. I have had success with this in the past and watched many others pull off a miracle against all odds.

So I'm hoping to do it again and I invite you to ride along with me-- or at least watch from the sidelines.


In my last Full Moon post, I shared some of my old and new stories about my loooong process of creating my life's work.

My old stories are not very nice ones --about as reassuring as Harry Potter's Boggarts and Dementors telling bedtime stories (which helps explain the periodic insomnia that has slowed my progress of creation). And while I would like to say my stories just disappeared *poof* when I brought them out into the light; such is not the case.

They're definitely nowhere near as powerful as they were when they were hidden in the dark, but I've been telling myself variations of these stories for over 50 years, and those neural path ways (or well traveled train tracks) are pretty well grooved.

Although I am open to the possibility of them going *poof*, I am also willing to give them my full attention so I can honor them and discover what gifts they have for me --even when they activate everything in my survival conditioning and sometimes make me feel despair and hopelessness over my prospects.

Once I have listened to them in this way, I can then create newer stories that are equally if not more true. And when I do this, the way I move forward changes.

My intention in sharing this process with you is is not to over-share to get attention and/or pity. Nor am I trying to elicit your encouragement.

Part of the reason I am putting myself through this process of publicly exposing my insecurities, is because it helps me release the need to try to win love and/or approval with a sparkly façade.

I admit I still want everyone to adore me, but even though it would be painful if my worst fears came true and everyone recoiled in horror because they believed my old stories about me too, I would rather lose that coveted warmth than to believe that only a false version of me is worthy of love.

Also, my hope is that ifwhen I actually am successful (hopefully sooner rather than later!), it will give courage to others who are wasting a ridiculous amount of energy trying so hard to hide what they believe to be their worst selves.

And just maybe whoever reads my tales will be inspired to offer their much needed unique gifts to the world as well.

If my miracle is successful, and you need one too, I invite you to give changing your stories a try! Maybe we can even change some BIG stories about our world.

Or possibly these posts will serve as a cautionary tale of a train wreck! Either way, I hope my process will have served you well!

There are so many polished-shiny-bright people with their PhD's from Harvard, perfect bodies, six-figure incomes and their New York Times bestseller books giving you the message that 🀩"you can do it!"πŸ˜€

But they're already successful, so it's a bit more of a leap of faith to imagine that you can achieve similar heights (unless you already have --in which case, let me offer you my congratulations!)

Yes, what they have to offer is valuable (I have certainly benefited greatly from the teachings of many such mentors) and it is obviously highly motivating, in that perhaps if you follow their 7 steps/ 4 pillars/10 rules/ money back guaranteed 12 module programs or whatever it is that they are offering, you too might be able to duplicate their success.

I have diligently followed the advice of so many luminaries, and yet, here's my current reality:

I'm pushing 60, divorced, in debt, and working as a part time nanny. Not exactly what most people are aspiring to achieve or willing to pay me money to learn how I did it!

Furthermore, despite my best efforts, I'm continually fumbling, bumbling and stumbling. But I am still showing up. I am still doing my very best to keep the faith even when I feel discouraged by the disparaging internal voices narrating my old stories and when I encounter the myriad stumbling blocks Life continues to present.

Maybe hearing my stories of the challenges I have undergone and my fears of what could transpire in my life if I fail to do what I have set out to do does not seem that harrowing to you, but to me this is what it feels like:

Okay I'm not as hot as Lara Croft, but there weren't any video game images of middle-aged nannies courageously persevering against all odds to create a game that will save the world! Plus I liked the background ship wreck.

AND I have New Stories ✨πŸ“’✨that are equally if not more true than the old ones. Here are a few (and more here):

My New Story ✨πŸ“’✨ about pushing 60 is that my 50s have been the happiest years of my life so far, and I have one more year left in this decade.  My life just seems to continue to be getting better and better. I actually kind of like the idea been an eccentric old bat or maybe even be a wise elder someday. My wrinkles and stray gray hairs don't bother me and while I would be delighted to shed a few pounds, sleep easier and eliminate some aches and pains, I wouldn't trade this time for any of the previous ones I have lived. Not even close!

My New Story ✨πŸ“’✨ about being divorced is that my surprise divorce was by far the greatest gift I've ever received! My 10 year marriage had its ups and downs, but even though my former husband was the greatest love of my life so far, and if you had asked me I would have told you that I wanted to continue that "comfortable", "secure" life forever, I am beyond grateful to not be married to him anymore and living that life.  I'm open to the possibility that there might be some other partner at some point, but for right now, I'm not looking. I love being single. Hanging out with me is so much fun! I have a great imagination and sense of adventure. I always know exactly what I most want to do and don't have to consult or persuade anyone else. I have a difficult time imagining wanting to give up even a tiny bit of this delicious freedom and whatever precious bits of solitude I can find in my overflowing new life. 

My New Story ✨πŸ“’✨about being in debt is that although I am not currently experiencing financial overflow, at this moment I have enough money to take care of my basic needs and a little bit more. I am grateful beyond words for all of the many blessings that I have. Plus, I have heard enough "rags to riches" stories to know that it is certainly possible for me to be more abundant as well if that is what I truly want. I do not aspire to live in a big house drive a fancy car, wear designer clothing, travel the world or have expensive jewelry. None of that appeals to me in the slightest. I would, however, like to pay off my debts, travel to visit loved ones and go on road trip adventures. I want to be able to continue to live here in this gorgeous place where I miraculously landed, eat pricey organic food and indulge in other self-care luxuries like my daily outings in the beauty of nature. I have faith that I will continue to be able to do so.

My New Story ✨πŸ“’✨ about my employment situation is that I love my job! The little boys that I care for in my nanny job are incredibly sweet and delightful companions. I get paid to cuddle, play, read stories, go on adventures and hike in one of the most beautiful places on Earth. And I have my mornings, evenings and weekends free. And who knows how this time I am spending with these little boys will affect their future?! Plus I'm learning a lot from them.

My New Story ✨πŸ“’✨ about the long slow train wreck of my plan to fulfill my life mission and create a sustainable livlihood is that it is, in fact, a miracle in progress!The game I am creating (and the amount of time it is taking) is all coming together perfectly. It will be something that anyone and everyone can do in their own idiosyncratic ways to discover the new stories, valuable gifts and transformational portals within their unique challenges --as well as within our shared collective experience. The game synthesizes tens of thousands of hours of reading, viewing, listening to and experiencing all that my voracious curiosity has insisted I explore on topics related to difficult life transitions.  Even though what I have created so far doesn't seem that impressive to my inner critics, considering how much I have I put into it, and how long it has taken, I get that I couldn't have done it any other way and it will continue to be a work in progress --just like life. Finding a way to allow players to engage in the easiest possible ways without being overwhelmed by information overload and yet entice them to dive as deep as they want has been a bit tricky! Especially given my quirky skill set, health challenges, and a variety of "dragons" that have served to keep my game of creating this game interesting and ultimately beneficial to my personal evolution.  After all, how interesting and character forming of an adventure would it be if it were a total cakewalk for me --and what what I have to offer you if everything had come easily to me?! I trust it will be worth the wait and come together in the best timing for me and for whoever wants to play.
So, here I am sending you this blog post on the last New Moon of spring (and according to the astronomers and astrologers, it's a powerful super moon), which I had once again hoped was finally going to be an announcement of my latest offering --rather than another post about why I have not finished yet.

Just think of it like the continuing Star Wars series. It wouldn't have been very exciting to watch Luke Skywalker walk easily up to Darth Vader in the first movie, give him a hug and say let's be friends, and then watch the two of them stroll off arm in arm into the sunset, talking about what a great New World they will build together.

My game is not done, but I'm getting closer everyday to at least having the basic structure in place. If you would like me to send you what I have so far and offer your feedback, I would be delighted to share it with you I'm grateful for any input you might have. You can be a part of my miracle!


Send an email to with the subject heading "Send Me the Game!".

And if you are one of those who volunteered to be an ally for me as I play my game of creating my game, I will be sending you instructions on how to do so (if you are still game) very soon.

Photo of middle-aged nanny (dressed as the Queen of Chaos) taming a dragon.

No comments:

Post a Comment

If you would like to comment without signing into an account, you may select "anonymous" in the drop-down and include your name in your comment.